International Assassin and Apocalyptic Science Fiction Writer

Woof Washer! The best damn product since… just kidding, I’m gonna rip into it.
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Woof Washer! The best damn product since… just kidding, I’m gonna rip into it.

Buy this if you're an idiot.
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Home » Woof Washer! The best damn product since… just kidding, I’m gonna rip into it.

Woof Washer? Are you fucking kidding me?

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Taste the smokey ammonia and sulphur flavor!

Woof Washer? This is the dumbest idea I’ve ever seen mass produced. Even more stupid than the Car Exhaust Grill.

Dogs love it!  Let’s have a peek.

Ordering couldn’t be easier. Just call the number and buy one for the universally recognized price for absolute shit, $19.99. Of course, then there’s the $7.99 shipping and handling on a product the distribution warehouse is going to ship to you, possibly in a brown envelope, for about $1.00.

I bet you never spray yourself in the face with dog shampoo. Not even once.

Woof Washer

Amazing Deal! (for them)

Let’s assume you’re confident in this product and you’d really like that free hose! That’s awesome, because with this special limited time offer you can get not one, but two Woof Washers for $19.99 plus the $7.99 shipping and handling and then just add $12.99 for no reason, it’s just a fee when in reality, you’re paying for two Woof Washers and the free hose at this price.

Whatever! You have dogs to wash! You order it.

2016-03-05 12_12_49-Woof Washer 360™ _ Official Site _ 360 Degrees of Clean!

Look! I’m super happy! This is my happy face!

It’s made of plastic, so you know it’ll last forever, just, maybe not in one piece.

Getting this product hooked up and working is the easy part. Wait until Rover see it! Where’d Rover go? That’s right, he ran the fuck away from you and your sadistic new toy. Go get him.

Once you finally start to clean Rover you’ll quickly realize that a garden hose was hard enough but now you’re taking the water from one hose and spreading thinly amongst, what, forty water-streams? That’s pressure right there. Pressure to figure out how to get all that damn shampoo off Rover. Good luck.

2016-03-05 12_12_58-Woof Washer 360™ _ Official Site _ 360 Degrees of Clean!

This pooch clearly hates this thing; I am fairly certain he’s plotting to kill you.

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